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  • Blog
  • About Monique McDonell
  • Books
  • The Upper Crust Series
  • The Jewel Sisters Series
  • Blog and website contributions
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  • Writing Resources
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2/27/2018 0 Comments

Our Five Favourite Reads - A Writer's Dozen blog hop

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Welcome to The Writers’ Dozen Top 5 Reads Blog Hop. I’ve been a member of this fabulous writing group for 14 years. We’re an eclectic bunch of writers penning novels across a diverse range of genres including crime, women’s fiction, rural romance, romantic comedy, chic lit, historical fiction, literary fiction and short stories. This year we’ve decided to join forces and do some blog hops so readers can see what we’re all about, starting with our Top 5 Reads (so far) for 2018.

When we were on a writing retreat in January my writers group and I decided to share your favourite books for 2018 so far, we’ll be doing a quarterly blog post so make sure you come back to see what else.

We’d love to hear about what books you’ve been enjoying so don’t forget to leave your comments and recommendations.

My five favourite reads

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1. Two Minute Exercises
​I am aware this is not fiction but this book has been amazing for me. I sit at my day job, I sit to write and I have a bad neck so I need to move but I’m time poor. I’ve been doing these at work, between writing sessions and before and after work. I don’t look like a super-model but I feel better for doing them. There is even a set of 2 minute exercises you can do while reading in bed. What’s not to love?

I've done quite a few of the exercises and if I do two or three sets a day I definitely do feel better. I haven't tried any of the recipes or meditations yet but I will I promise.

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2.  Diamonds and Dirt Roads by Erin Nicholas
I'm a big Erin Nicholas fan, I especially love her Sapphire Falls series and I think at this point I've read most of her romance books. This is the first book in a new series and so naturally I had to give it a go. I really enjoyed it while I was reading it and I will definitely read the next book in the series. It's not a book that stayed with me, I haven't thought a lot about it or the characters - three billionaire sisters who must all move to a small-town and fulfill the terms of their father's will in order for any or them to inherit - but I read it in one sitting staying up until well after midnight to do so which makes it a good book in my eyes.

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3. Complicated, Kristin Ashley
The first thing I loved about this book was the cover. I hadn’t read anything by this author before. I was heading off for a few days on a boat and I needed to load my kindle. I like to read romantic comedy but now every romance adds this tag, whether its funny or not, and they range from inspirational to erotica so its hard to find what you want as a reader (and get found as an author). So a cover that didn’t have a bare chested man drew my attention. (Side not these covers seem to be a new direction for the author - I would never have even glanced at her old ones so that’s always interesting to me) Now there bits of this book I didn’t love (there’s a lot of sex and I’s not behind closed doors so be warned) but I really liked the characters and I liked it enough to download another of her books.

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4. 5 Ingredient Meals Jamie Oliver
I’m not going to lie I watch cooking shows to relax. I’m a pretty good cook and I find cooking to be both meditative and creative. (Not every night by the way, I am also very happy when my husband makes dinner). We also made a decision about five years ago that we wouldn’t eat take-out so I like to have a few quick and easy meals up my sleeve. My daughter gave me this book for Christmas because she knew I wanted it. I’ve made a few things already and I don’t always stick to the recipe because sometimes you just want something extra but the few things we’ve made have been tasty and with the day job and the writing fast food is good food.


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5. Mastering Amazon Ads by Brian D Meeks
I’ve been in this writing business for a while now and if anything tips me over the edge it won’t be the deadlines or the story ideas of writers block, it will be all the technology I need to master to promote my books. Amazon advertising is the latest thing I’m working to get my mind around and this book is not for creative types like me. At work I joke with my colleagues that I’d rather we put our plans in mind maps and Venn diagrams not excel spreadsheets and this book is very data driven so we’re not in my comfort zone here. However, at the half way point I’m finding it super helpful so I will persist because everryone who has read it says it is a game changer.

Want to see what the other members of the Writer's Dozen have been reading? Stop by their blogs.


Laura Boon
Rae Cairns
Pamela Cook
​Terri Green
​Angella Whtton

Let me know what your favourite reads are?

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2/24/2018 0 Comments

February Series Spotlight Giveaway - enter to win a Kindle

Welcome to the

February Series Spotlight & Giveaway February 26-3/2!

Check out these series. The first book is FREE!

Thank you for being loyal readers! To show their appreciation, your favorite authors have come together to offer our series at special prices for a limited time. Download one or all. Maybe you'll find your next favorite author.

Please note: all sales are limited time offers.

Don't have a Kindle? Don't worry. Read with the FREE Kindle App.

**Please note: these books may not be free on other Amazon sites and many of these books are free for a limited time only.**

Enter here: http://lovekissedbookbargains.com/2018/02/22/february-series-…ght-and-giveaway/ ​

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2/24/2018 1 Comment

Q&A with Nicole Leiren author of Deadly Dirty Martinis

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 Question and Answer with Nicole Leiren


1. What was the inspiration for your novel?  
This is the second novel I’ve written for the Danger Cove Cocktail series so I wanted to delve a little more into Lilly (the protagonist) and her relationship with her parents. With the novel coming out in November, a Thanksgiving theme seemed very appropriate and a way to work in the idea that family is not always people who are related to us. Lilly had found a new sense of home with her friends and co-workers at Smugglers’ Tavern, but things got a little crazy when her parents show up—and then, of course, someone was murdered on Tavern property.
2. When did you take up writing?
I did the customary poetry in high school to help express all the crazy emotions that are part of every day life during that phase of life but didn’t start writing stories until I discovered fanfiction over ten years ago. I had so much fun exploring and honing my craft in the fanfic world that I decided to try my hand at an original story. That first story has been re-titled and re-written countless times, but is still waiting for its moment to shine.  My next novel, my first story in the Heroes of the Night series, came about after meeting a retired soldier on a plane. His story and views on life inspired me to create a character from what I learned (with his permission of course!) and brought about my first publishing contract.  
3. How important is setting/place in your writing?
I’m going to be honest as I like to keep it real with everyone – to me, the story itself is the most important part of my writing. I love fast paced dialogue that moves a story along and immerses the reader into the mind of the characters so they feel everything as intensely as those in the story. As a result, setting plays a role, but not as active in my stories as perhaps in other author’s stories. Because Danger Cove is a unique place, with many great characters (written by many different authors), it does, however, play an important role in the story. It’s almost as though Danger Cove itself is one of the characters.
I may have contradicted myself with that answer – LOL but I think it depends on what story I’m writing as to how important the setting will be. Hope that makes sense!
4. Do you have a favourite character (s) in your current novel?
Of course I love my main character, Lilly, but if I had to pick a favourite outside of her, it would have to be Abe, the gardener. I love the relationship he and Lilly have as he’s like the grandfather she never knew (you can learn why that is in the first novel, Heroes and Hurricanes). Their interactions can be tense at times, but they always come to an understanding and their friendship is strengthened.
5. What’s the best piece of writing advice you were ever given?
Susan Elizabeth Phillips once shared this valuable piece of advice (at least it was exactly what I needed to hear at the time.) She said (and I’m paraphrasing here) “If you aren’t writing because life has gotten in the way, that’s okay. You can give yourself a break. But, if you aren’t writing because you don’t know where your story is going next, that is NOT an excuse!” I always remember that when I’m hesitant to put my butt in the chair and fingers to the keyboard.
6. Do you have a schedule for writing?
When I’m under contract and have a deadline, absolutely I do! I use WriteTrack to set up my project and help me track my progress. I’m a very visual person so if I see I’m falling behind, I dedicate more time to get caught up. My schedule is to minimally keep even with where WriteTrack says I should be each day to finish my story on time. If that means 20 minutes, then I’ll write for at least 20 minutes. If it means two hours…then two hours it is.
7. Are you a plotter or someone who tends to wing it?
I started out being more of a pantser (the wing it by the seat of my pants kinda gal lol) but when I switched from contemporary sweet romance to cozy mystery, I found plotting was essential. Now, I’m a decent mixture of both. I do the plotting as I need to know where I’m heading in the story and get to the “whodunit” in a logical manner, but I also allow the characters the freedom to take me down a different path if they so choose. For example, I was over half-way through writing Deadly Dirty Martinis when I knew something wasn’t write. I let the characters take the lead for a little (yeah, us authors are a little crazy like that) and discovered who the REAL killer was – and it wasn’t who I’d plotted!  Thankfully, it only took a little tweaking to make it all work. So I think it’s important to be open to something outside the outline.
8. Can you name three of four of your current favourite books?
Sadly, reading is a luxury I don’t get to do very often (I know, I know!!) but when I do, I love to reach for a Lee Child (Jack Reacher) novel or one I recently read which I enjoyed very much was Jim Cangany’s “Start Your Engines” – a fantastic story about a second chance at love set in the racing industry. I’m also a huge fan of Sara Parestky and love reading her stories as well.
9. Can you tell me a little bit about what you are working on now?
I’m working on edits for the next installment of the Danger Cove Cocktail, Tequila Trouble, which is due out this summer. I also have a new series, entitled “Delivering Applewood” out for consideration with some publishers. It’s set in the fictional town of Applewood in Door County, Wisconsin. If you’ve never had a chance to visit Door County, I highly recommend it!
10. What advice would you give to a fledgling writer to assist them on their journey?
First, never give up. This business is full of rejection and disappointment, but there’s also the immense joy you receive in completing a project, having someone read it and telling you how much it affected them. Authors are an amazing and supportive group, be sure to connect with them – in person and online – you won’t regret it.
Next, understand that – at the end of the day – this IS a business. Once you have published your first novel, you have to balance the business side and the creative side. This is essential for continued success.
And finally, never give up. Being able to immerse someone else in your story is the greatest gift. Keep writing, learning, and telling your stories!
 
Thank you, Monique, for the opportunity to be a part of your blog and your day. 

 

Deadly Dirty Martinis by Nicole Leiren
Published by Gemma Halliday Publishing on November 7, 2017
Genres: Cozy Mystery



Lilly Waters is loving life as the new assistant manager at the Smugglers’ Tavern in the small town of Danger Cove. So the last thing she wants or expects is an impromptu family reunion with the wannabe-rock star dad and his number-one-fan (her mother) who were noticeably absent from her childhood. Not only does Lilly have her hands full dealing with Mom and Dad who act more like teenagers than parents, but she also finds herself in hot water when the son of a Chicago mob boss is murdered on tavern property. Now Lilly's mom is the number one suspect, and Lilly isn't sure where her loyalties lie. 
The search for answers leads Lilly down a dangerous path where she uncovers more suspects than she can say Thanksgiving grace over—including a tattooed trouble maker, a gambler who turned against the mob, and even her own father! All their motivations prove dirtier than her signature martinis, and if Lilly doesn't get to the truth soon, not only will dinner be ruined, but the killer may serve her up on a silver platter.

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About Nicole Leiren

Described by those who know her best as perky, quirky and effervescent, USA Today Best-Selling author Nicole Leiren likes to have fun — in life, with her characters and, of course, her readers. She admits to being sassy (just ask her mother!) and inspiration for her characters are drawn from the real-world heroes and heroines she meets while traversing the country.

Nicole enjoys sharing the love, laughter, mystery, and occasionally a touch of the mayhem she forces her characters to endure—all for the reader’s pleasure! Her real-world heroes and heroines will keep you turning the pages until you reach the whodunit or happily ever after (usually both!)

Website | Twitter | Facebook | Goodreads | Amazon | Street Team



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2/23/2018 1 Comment

Cover reveal for Messing with Matilda by Cat Lavoie

Messing With Matilda by Cat Lavoie Cover Reveal

Happy Cover Reveal Day to Cat Lavoie! Enjoy the cover of MESSING WITH MATILDA, coming April 4, 2018!

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Cat Lavoie – Messing With MatildaMessing With Matilda by Cat Lavoie Published by Cat Lavoie on April 4, 2018 Genres: Chick Lit, Romantic Comedy

As a professional organizer in New York City, Matilda Hart wages war against chaos and clutter on a daily basis for her clients—and she vows to never let it invade her own well-ordered world.

But when her boyfriend decides to deviate from the path she’s been planning for them, Matilda's perfectly structured life begins to crumble. She reluctantly finds herself back in the tiny hometown she fled a lifetime ago—determined to lay low and avoid running into anyone she used to know. So why is she reconnecting with her former best friend and putting up with the bridezilla antics of Amber, her high school nemesis?

When Matilda is tasked with keeping the bride-to-be’s heartbroken ex away from the ceremony, she discovers she has history with the man who’s trying to sabotage the wedding. Matilda quickly realizes that teaming up with cute and quirky—but hopelessly devoted—Silas Flynn could be mutually beneficial. He needs help wooing the woman he considers the love of his life and Matilda can't pass up the chance to finally get back at the meanest of the mean girls by assisting Silas in his attempts to disrupt her wedding.

Will everything go according to plan for this mismatched pair? Or will working so closely together make uptight Matilda and laid-back Silas lose sight of their common goal?

One thing's for sure—things are about to get messy.

About Cat Lavoie

Cat Lavoie

Cat Lavoie is a chick lit writer from Montreal, Canada. She loves writing fun and quirky romantic comedies and is the author of BREAKING THE RULES, ZOEY & THE MOMENT OF ZEN, PERI IN PROGRESS and MESSING WITH MATILDA.

A fan of all things feline, Cat loves cats and hopes to someday have a house full of them in order to officially become a crazy cat lady. (But one or two cats will do for now.)

If she isn’t reading or writing, Cat enjoys listening to podcasts (mostly comedy and true crime) and watching way too much TV. She fell in love with London many years ago and hopes to go back one day. Cat is currently at work on her next novel.

To connect with Cat and find out more about her books, visit CatLavoie.com and follow @CatLavoieBooks on Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram.

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2/18/2018 0 Comments

Q&A with Vanessa Carnevale on release day for The Memories that Make Us

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1. What was the inspiration for your novel?
The Memories That Make Us is a story of self-discovery and finding oneself when all is lost. It speaks to the question: if you had your time over would you live the same life twice? It was really this question that sparked the idea for the story, and got me thinking about fate versus destiny and the way our past and our memories shape us and lead us to where we are today. I started wondering about whether someone who had no recollection of her past might make the same decisions about her life and from there, Gracie’s character and the rest of the story started to come alive.

2. When did you take up writing?
I’ve always loved writing. The first piece of writing I ever had published was a travel article, and it wasn’t until many years later that I decided to write fiction.
3. How important is setting/place in your writing?
Until now, setting has been paramount. My debut novel, The Florentine Bridge is set in Tuscany, which is a crucial part of the story. And The Memories That Make Us is set on a fictional flower farm in Victoria. There’s a strong flower theme that runs through the book, which makes the book what it is. I enjoy reading books where the setting almost acts like a character and transports you to a different place, so maybe that’s why setting has been an important feature of my first two books.
4. Do you have a favourite character (s) in your current novel?
Gosh, it’s so hard to pick favourites! I wrote The Memories That Make Us in first person from Gracie’s point of view so I feel very connected to her, but really, I love all the characters for all their varying qualities. Tilly was probably the character that took me most by surprise because she came through so strongly on the page and was unlike any other character I had written before. She’s a little eccentric, straight to the point, and also a little mysterious so she was a lot of fun to write. Flynn is a sweetheart, as is Blake. My heart ached for Blake… And Scarlett—who wouldn’t want a best friend like her?
5. What’s the best piece of writing advice you were ever given?
I think it’s hard to single out one piece of advice, but I think one of the most important things writers can do is trust themselves. Trust the characters, trust the story, trust yourself.
6. Do you have a schedule for writing?
I have set days I allocate to writing but deadlines sometimes mean I need to fit the writing in by getting up early before everyone else in the house is up. Sometimes I fit in extra writing time while I’m waiting for the kids at their various after-school and weekend activities.
7. Are you a plotter or someone who tends to wing it?
I’m not a meticulous plotter, but I have used an outline for the last two manuscripts I’ve written. I generally know where the story is heading as well as the major turning points. I don’t always know the ending of my stories, and when I think I do know what will happen in the end, I am often surprised when things take a different direction.
8. Can you name a couple of your current favourite books?
I read The Nightingale by Kristin Hannah over the summer holidays and absolutely loved it. I cried a lot and couldn’t stop thinking about the characters for days. I don’t know how it took me so long to get to it! I also loved Eleanor Oliphant is Completely Fine by Gail Honeyman. Eleanor is such a quirky character and the book had me laughing one moment and crying the next.
9. Can you tell me a little bit about what you are working on now?
I’m looking forward to embarking on the third draft of my current manuscript, another contemporary novel about a couple who want to become parents but life throws them some pretty major curveballs. It’s a story about the depth of love and motherhood, as well as the positive impact we make on the world.
10. What advice would you give to a fledgling writer to assist them on
their journey?

1. Believe in yourself!
2. While you’re working on a first draft, trust the story. You can edit later.
3. Read. Read widely and take notice of what you’re reading so you can try to understand the way an author has crafted his or her scenes. If something moves you, or bores you, or causes you to frantically turn pages to find out what happens next, take note of why all these things are so.
Web: www.vanessacarnevale.com
Facebook: www.facebook.com/vanessacarnevalewriter
You can purchase a copy of The Memories That Make Us here:
Amazon:
Print:


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ABOUT THE MEMORIES THAT MAKE US
After an accident leaves Gracie with severe amnesia, she’s forced to decide: live a life that is made up of other people’s memories of who she was, or start a new life on her own. Leaving her fiancé Blake behind, she moves to the country where she takes on the task of reviving her late mother’s abandoned flower farm.
While attempting to restart a business with an uncertain future, she tries to decide whether to let Blake back into her life now that he’s a stranger. What she doesn’t count on is developing a deep connection with Flynn, a local vet who is her neighbour.
Forced to examine the person she has become, Gracie confronts the question: if you had your time over, would you live the same life twice?
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AUTHOR BIO
Vanessa Carnevale is an author and freelance writer who has contributed to The Green Parent, The Huffington Post, Muse, and Italy magazine, among others. She is the author of The Florentine Bridge (MIRA) and The Memories That Make Us (Fiction HQ). She was a finalist in the Best New Author category for the AusRom Today Readers Choice Awards 2017. Vanessa is also the host of Your Beautiful Writing Life Retreats in Tuscany, Italy and Australia. She loves travel, tea, and flowers and often dreams of escaping to the country.

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2/7/2018 0 Comments

The Windmill Cafe Cover Reveal

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2/7/2018 0 Comments

Writers on Wednesday Featuring Andrene Low

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Andrene’s love of writing was instilled by her mother, although if her mum was still alive, she’d be smacking Andrene across the back of the head given the direction her writing has taken. Irreverent, cutting and reflecting her background as a stand-up comic, it’s edgy with humour that’s very dark in places.

1. What was the inspiration for your latest novel? 
My latest novel is “Strapped for Cash”, the third book in my Sexy Seventies Series (although it can definitely be read as a standalone). It’s been described by one reviewer as being “Not chick lit. Not pure comedy. Not romance. Not crime. But a delicious mixture of all those genres.”
The inspiration was where the main character, Brenda, chose to take me, something that can happen when you’re writing a series. Being something of a loner, I wanted her to find the love of family and that wasn’t going to happen with any of her blood relations, mainly because most of them were doing time for various petty crimes. While starting out in Melbourne, the main part of the story is set in London allowing me to catch up with favourites like Eadie, an old aged pensioner who’s going down fighting and Charlie, the world’s largest black and white cat, who’s also prone to going down fighting.

2. When did you take up writing?
 I’ve been writing for as long as I can remember, from essays at primary school through to poetry in high school. I even remember reworking the lyrics to several songs for a talent contest when I was travelling around Europe on a bus tour – we won!
 
After that there was a long break with work getting in the way, but it was this very thing that got me back into my writing. I was sent on a presentation skills course for work and part of that was writing a speech for the graduation ceremony. Mine was entitled “Breeding Before Forty”, with a funny take on just how loud that body clock can sound in the small hours of the morning. This was recorded and a workmate at the time saw it and next thing I know I’ve been signed up for a Rookie’s Night at a local comedy club.
 
Luckily for me it went well and the organisers asked me back and I stayed on the professional stand-up circuit for three years. It could be either an amazing or a gut-churning experience, without a lot of middle ground, and it didn’t get any easier. Eventually, I made the decision to concentrate on the writing as it was this I’d always enjoyed most. Fast forward to me taking a lot of writing courses leading to a finished manuscript and the rest, as they say, is history.

3. How important is setting/place in your writing?
It’s important but I certainly don’t think it’s the be-all and end-all. I like to put enough in there that my readers can picture the setting, but I’m not a fan of there being so much about the setting that the book reads more like a travel or real estate brochure. To me, this distracts from the main story and can slow the pace. Unless it’s vitally important to the plot, I tend to leave it out.

4. Do you have a favourite character (s) in your current novel?
 Yes, I’ve actually got three. Flo an 80+ plus cleaning lady whose energy levels are such that she could “Clean for England”, Eady, who’s the wrong side of 70 and an ex-dominatrix to boot and Brenda, my protagonist. She’s rough around the edges, but buried deep beneath that hard exterior is a heart of gold.

5. What’s the best piece of writing advice you were ever given?
 Without a first draft, you have nothing to edit.
 
It seems obvious, but when I was first starting out, I’d keep on going back and editing and re-editing and editing some more, making sure that what I’d written up to that point was 100% perfect. It’s called a ‘draft’ for a reason and so now I go for it and keep moving forward, no matter how rough the draft is. If I think of something that needs to be fixed, I make a note of it, knowing I can do this when I complete the first full edit. This approach has saved me months of work.

6. Do you have a schedule for writing?
I like to write first thing in the morning and I’m lucky I don’t need to be at my day job until 10:30am giving me a good chunk of time to get stuck in. Afternoons are for editing and plotting.

7. Are you a plotter or someone who tends to wing it?
 I do plot but not to the inth degree. I prefer to call myself a plantser. I plan out quite a lot as regards what happens in each chapter and overall and after that, I fly by the seat of my pants. I’ve also learned to give my characters free reign because they often have a better idea of what they’re up to than I do. I used to try to corral them into shape, now I give them their head and hold on tight. They don’t often let me down and often the story is stronger for me leaving them to it.

8. Can you name three or four of your current favourite books or recent reads?
 Yes, and they all belong to a series I’ve been following. The Blackwood Security series by Elise Nobel are a wonderful read. Emmy Blackwood is a bit like a female James Bond, and the books are full-on action with the bad guys getting a good dealing to. They’re also very funny in places (in a dark sort of way), and with lots of hot men in the offing, what’s not to love?

9. Can you tell me a little bit about what you are working on now?
 I’m currently working on DietVale, a comic horror set on a fat farm in a remote corner of New Zealand. The inspiration behind the novel was watching the likes of Survivor and the Biggest Loser and wondering what would happen if those two worlds collided? Both shows put their contestants through hell, so why not ramp it up and have a few laughs along the way. It’s amazing the ‘gallows’ humour that comes out when people are truly facing adversity.
 
I’m up to the editing stage, adding more tension and fixing any plot issues. So far, it’s reading well and I hope to have it out to my horror beta readers in the next week or two.
 
In the background I’ve been working on my next adventure, which will be a seven book series, but it’s too early to talk about that yet, with far too much research still required.

10. What advice would you give to a fledgling writer to assist them on their journey?
 While I believe there are those who can sit down and write a cracking book, these individuals are incredibly rare. Even if able to tell an amazing story to friends and family, I believe every budding writer needs to take a course or two, especially when it comes to the fundamentals like structure, plot, characterisation, etc.
 
Having said that, there also comes a time when you have to put pen to paper, or fingers on the keyboard. Don’t become a course junkie, simply take one or two to get you going, confident you’re not going to have to rewrite everything when you realise the rookie mistakes you’ve made.

Strapped for Cash

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Historic art thefts and forgeries. Blackmail capable of bringing down a government. Slap and tickle that could prove fatal. Will Brenda ever make a living that doesn’t involve crusty old men?Since puberty, Brenda has never had any issues with money. She’s always been more than well cared for by the old guys she’s latched onto. She drapes herself over them in public, providing company and kudos; they pay for everything. 

Set in London at the end of the seventies, when the country was grappling with the iron rule of Margaret Thatcher, and the economy was in serious need of some CPR, we see Brenda struggling to sort out her own finances, with the irony she’s being screwed out of her own nest egg by a bloke not lost on her. 

But, never keen on the nine-to-five and much preferring ninety-five-and-loaded, Brenda opens a school for girls, teaching the art of opening the wallets of old chaps who can afford it. She hopes it pans out, because apart from the financial implications, she doesn’t fancy a love life that’s destined to be littered with dodgy prostates and emergency CPR. Perhaps the most valuable thing she learns through her school is there’s a lot more to family than the blood relations you’ve been lumbered with.


Strapped for Cash is the third in Andrene Low’s Sexy Seventies Series with humour that takes no prisoners—unless that’s what they’re paying for. 

​Originally published as "Screwed for Money" so check out all the lovely 4 and 5 star reviews over there

Excerpt of Strapped for Cash

CHAPTER 1

ALL THIS EFFING WHITE! Jeez, Martin might just as well have popped his clogs already. Cue the sodding harp music.
Brenda hates hospitals with a passion and adding to this misery, her arse hurts, thanks to a chair designed to ensure any visit is brief. It hasn’t been upholstered: the bloody thing’s been panel-beaten.
Holding the clammy hand of her elderly lover, Martin McGowan, she can’t help but feel responsible for his current condition. It had been her idea to try that particular position and it was only due to her rough and ready mouth-to-mouth that he hadn’t snuffed it on the spot. Although, he’d assured her while they were waiting for the ambulance that he wouldn’t have minded kicking the bucket in such a spectacular fashion.
A vision in white pops her head inside the door of Martin’s private room. “She’s on her way.”
“Bloody hell, I’d better go.” Brenda disengages her hand and is unable to stop herself from wiping it on her jeans. A quick kiss to Martin’s forehead confirms this is also covered in a fine sheen of cold sweat, though how anyone could feel chilly in Melbourne in the middle of a stinking hot February is beyond her. If anything, it feels even hotter inside the air-conditioned hospital than it had outside where there had at least been a lacklustre breeze.
Thoughts of longer goodbyes are forestalled when they both hear Mrs McGowan’s strident tones at the other end of the ward, already ordering people about.
“You’d better go or we might have another heart attack on our hands,” says Martin, grimacing.
Brenda isn’t sure if he’s referring to his harridan of a missus or if he’s experiencing more chest pains. Either way, she punches the call button before hightailing it out of the room, managing to disappear into the patient lounge just along from his room without being spotted.
Waiting in hopes that Mrs McGowan’s visit will be of the brief variety, Brenda stares out the large window that allows unforgiving light to flood the room. If it hadn’t been an emergency, Brenda doubts Martin would be in a public hospital but the ambulance had come here and so here he stays. His bitch of a wife hasn’t stopped living up to her reputation since the first hospital corner had been tucked in using a T-square and protractor.
She’s flipped through all the women’s magazines and is down to reading pamphlets on prostate health before she decides to bail. Bloody woman’s arse cheeks must be iron.
After a steadying breath, she readies to make good on her escape, releasing her long, dark hair from the ponytail high up on the back of her head and draping it artfully around her face. Pulling her jacket on to cover her skimpy red boob tube, with head down, she hurries past Martin’s glass-windowed room as fast as her platform shoes and ankle-trapping flares will allow. It’s not that she’s worried about having a showdown with Mrs McGowan but she’d prefer to avoid anything that might upset Martin.
She’d take that cow on in a heartbeat.
Brenda’s surprised at how upset she is over Martin’s ill-health. Sure, he’d started out as a meal ticket, but she’s come to care for the old codger. Even the sex hadn’t been too bad, although she’ll be cautious about that in the future. It wasn’t as if either of them wanted to risk necrophilia.
Near the double doors fronting the ward, she hears Mrs McGowan’s cut-glass tones. “For goodness sake, if you haven’t managed to find a pulse by now, he doesn’t have one.”
Freezing, Brenda listens hard. Unable to hear the nurse’s response, she retraces her footsteps to one side of the door to Martin’s room. On hearing him trying to placate his wife, she slumps back against the wall.
“How much longer must I suffer visiting my husband in this, this …?”
Brenda can clearly envisage the expression that must be pasted on the woman’s face. It’s the ‘poo under the nose’ look she uses at the least provocation and Brenda’s borne the brunt of it in the past. So what if she was caught swimming in the McGowan’s pool in her undies? Martin hadn’t given a hoot.
The distinctive rattle of the clipboard being unhooked from the end of Martin’s bed follows, then the sound of charts being flipped.
“It looks as though it’ll be another week,” says the nurse, her voice firm. She adds “Maybe even longer,” and Brenda hears a touch of glee.
“For goodness sake, this simply won’t do! I’m going to arrange a transfer right now.”
The visitor’s chair screeches in relief and Brenda knows she’ll never make it out of the ward in time. Luckily there’s a door right behind her and, without hesitation, she opens it, walks in and closes it quietly before sliding to the side so she’s not visible through the tall skinny viewing pane. Her hopes that the room is vacant are dashed when a creaky and rather hopeful voice says, “Are you here to give me my enema?

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    Monique McDonell-Author

    I am a writer of light-hearted contemporary women's fiction.

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